Princess Greedia : The Ungrateful Bitch

By: Lipas Alzheimer

Once upon a time, in far away fantasy land called Muddy Estuary , lived this one Princess. Her little (but extravagant and very very posh) castle nested on top of one hill, which habitats hailed only from royalties and top notch captains of the industry. Whoever seen around this elite neighborhood without 2 or 3-digits plate number of their horse carriage will be stoned to death. 

The Princess was quite beautiful (she dabbed on layers of expensive make up) , she was hot (she worn designer’s label of clothes & accessories) & she was simply sassy (she always bats her fake eyelash everytime) . 

At the back of her huge yard, there was row of fancy horse carriage which she will ride proudly according to different occasions. Porshelia for party with the A-list at night, Mercilia for formal government meeting, Bimmerlia for shopping carnival, Harrierlia for picking up some groceries…

The Princess had an obsession. She always wanted to look the greatest amongst the other Princesses. She didn’t mind going beyond boundaries just to beat others. As long as she becomes the centre of attraction, she feels happy and her world is content.  

One day she has decided to meet her Secret Wizard. “I hate my tight. It looks so big and flabby” said the Princess. “Your tight look just nice, it’s slender, firm and has no cellulite”, said the Wizard. “ Do liposuction to my tight or I’ll shoot your fucking head with my poisonous arrow”, urgesdthe Princess. Afraid that he will die before he lost his virgin, the Wizard proceeded with liposuction surgery to the Princess’s tight. The Princess went back and showed off her new firm, slender tight with colorful net legging. The rest of the Princesses stared with green eyes…

The next day, not even recovered from the wound, the Princess came to the Wizard again. “ I hate my skin. It’s getting older, sagging and lack of moisture. Jab me with Botox…extra dosage!”. “But your skin is amazing…at your age. It’s normal to have those symptoms as human nature. You could not beat the calling, it’s part of the process”, whisper the Wizard, afraid that the Princess will hear the big “Old” word. “Damn you.I’m not getting any older! I wanna beat the nature’s call and perhaps the God’s call” yelled the Princess. Unwillingly, the poor thing Wizard proceeded. His business has ran low recently due to the Swine Flu. A lot of his clients preferred to stay home (afraid that they will get infected) and watched Desperate Housewives.

With the younger, glowing skin of course the Princess looked fabulous. Even the 20- years –younger- than -her –female slaves looked like granny standing next to her. 

A week later, she paid another visit to theWizard. “My ears look bigger than Mickey Mouse. He looks cute but I’m not! Don the extra flesh disappeared and I could war my pride perfectly”. The Wizard didn’t reply, he just nod. 

The surgery was long and painful…But the Princess’s greed has made her extra determine. At the end of the day, she woke up from her sleep. Still a bit wobbly due to the sedative effect, she hurriedly went to the nearest mirror in the room. 

Her head was fully bandaged. And the wound was still bleeding. But she couldn’t wait any longer! She wanted to see her newly carved ears. “ Huh, nobody would beat me after this. I’m perfect!!Hahahaha….”, the greedy and ungrateful Princess laughed. She could imagine the envy eyes of the other Princesses, she could imagine every guys will praise her perfect figure, perfect skin and perfect ear. She will be adored by each and every single species in this whole freakin world!!! 

The bandage is now fully uncovered. The Princess is staring deeply in the mirror. The time has stopped for a second. The Wizard has gone vacation to Barbados (and lost his virginity with the hotties). The world has turned dark.

The ears are no longer there…it’s has been fully cut to perfection. Not even a single flesh is attached to the Princess’s head. And the Princess fainted.  

Moral of the story: Be grateful to Allah swt of what live has been treated us. Not even a single life in this earth is perfect. There’s always hiccups and imperfection…even to the seems-to-be happy rich people.  

Kawan Pembawa Malang?

Kawan? Macam-macam kawan aku ada sekarang, kawan sepermainan, kawan sekolah rendah, kawan sekolah menengah kat K.L., kawan sekolah menengah kat Penang, kawan tempat kerja lama, kawan tempat kerja sekarang mahupun kawan yang aku kenal melalui alam maya.

Semua tu kawan, baik yang memuji kat depan, mengata kat belakang, sama-sama gelak ketika senang, blah tinggalkan aku ketika sarat dengan masalah, semuanya aku kategorikan sebagai kawan. Ada gak kawan yang datang ketika dirinya diselubungi dengan masalah namun terus berlagak macam tak pernah kenal lepas dirinya senang. 

Bukan aku nak mengata kawan yang aku ada sekarang, tapi entahlah, aku rasa malang bila ramai kawan. Paling kesian, adalah kawan aku yang sering 'diburu' dengan abang kawan dia kerana kawan dia berperangai macam haiwan. 

Entahlah dunia sekarang, terlampau seni sangat hidup, soal rasionaliti ditolak bulat-bulat bak membuang cengkerang kerang yang habis 'ditelan'. Apa punya malang...